Many people think that having smashed through the glass ceiling, women would be fearless, courageous, and exude confidence both outside and in. However, this is not always the case and sometimes, the more senior a woman becomes, the more confidence becomes an issue.
Because of the demand of the role and the high expectations placed on them, for some women in very senior roles, the face on the outside says, ‘I’m in control’, however, on the inside it resembles nothing like this. On the inside she is anxious, she is fearful, and she lacks self-belief. But she can’t show it, fearful that if she does, she will not be seen as a good leader.
The issues affecting the confidence of senior women chip away at their resilience, creating stress and anxiety and if left unchecked, can lead to burnout.
Whilst the saying, fake it till you make it, may ring true, for these women, they have made it, but they still feel like they are faking it. If you are an introverted woman in a very senior role and this describes you, here are tips to help you deal with a some of the common issues women in your position experience.
Introvert drain
As a senior leader, a lot of what you do will require you to be in situations that are overstimulating and where you need to expend a lot of energy. This leads to what I call introvert drain.
As introverts, we tend to lose energy when we spend lengthy periods around lots of people (extraverts on the other hand tend to be energised by being around people). That is why overstimulating environments can be energy draining for us, leaving us feeling tired, lacking energy, and even stressed. This can take its toll on your confidence levels.
As a senior leader, you will not be able to avoid spending time in energy draining environments, so it is important to know how best to manage your energy levels. Being aware of what drains you, knowing how to quickly re-energise, and looking after your overall well-being can help you to be at your optimal during the working day.
You are at the edge of a glass cliff
The glass cliff is where women are appointed to leadership roles that are at a greater risk of criticism and failure. Research suggests that women are more likely to be appointed to such roles. High profile women for whom it has previously been said have been in this position include Marrisa Mayer, former CEO of Yahoo, Theresa May former UK Prime Minister, and Mary Barra, CEO of General Motors.
Stepping in to steer an already sinking ship, where the odds of success are low and high expectations are placed on them, puts a lot of pressure on the individual. If you are at the edge of a glass cliff, make sure that the people who need to know are aware of the challenges you face so that your performance can be realistically appraised.
Put in place adequate support systems, both in terms of your role and having a support network that includes people who can give you advice, coach, and mentor you. If you are experiencing stress, take action to address and manage this.
Imposter Syndrome
Believing that you will get found out that you’re not good enough is a plight often faced by senior women. Continuously doubting yourself in this way is incredibly stressful and creates anxiety. You have been placed in that role because you were the best person for it. Other people believe in you, and you should too.
Rather than writing yourself off completely, break the role down and identify whether there are any developmental areas for you. If there are, get the support you need to develop yourself in those areas.
If you doubt yourself, get support from a professional coach who can help you to learn to accept yourself and overcome self-doubt. If you’re thinking that you will get found out that you are a fraud or that you got the role by luck, where is the evidence to support that belief?
I am not as good as…
Whilst it is good to identify role models and people who you admire as a benchmark, comparing yourself to others and putting yourself down in the process will not do anything for your self-esteem.
Each of us has individual skills and talents, something unique that we bring to the table. You are successful in your own right because you are you. No one does you like you do.
Trying to be someone that you are not is stressful long term. Just because someone appears confident and successful on the outside doesn’t necessarily mean that they feel that way on the inside. You do not know their inner struggle or the demons that they have to contend with.
Be your true self because that is who you are. Just do you.
Everything has to be perfect
Are you harsh on yourself because you want to make sure everything you do is perfect? Do you beat yourself up when you don’t meet the higher-than-high standard that you set for yourself, or from taking the slightest criticism to heart?
Do you check your work again and again and again, worried that it is not perfect, and work excessive hours because of this? Being a perfectionist can be stressful. You put a lot of pressure on yourself trying to live up to some ideal that may be unrealistic.
Rather than striving for perfection all the time and becoming anxious in the process, how about acknowledging that nobody is perfect? There are things that you are good at, things that you are not good at, and things in which you are neither here nor there.
How about accepting that good is good enough?
Afraid you are going to fail
Worrying that you are going to fail will only make you anxious, and nervous and affect how you act and behave. What makes you think that you will fail anyway? Where is the evidence to support that belief?
Thinking and viewing your situation rationally will ease the fear and anxiety and help you to think more clearly about the decisions that you need to make. Rather than worrying yourself into a frenzy, believing that you will fail, put things into perspective and if the worst were to happen, what could you do?
Just because she has smashed through the glass ceiling and made it to the top, it does not automatically mean that a woman is extremely confident. Because of the expectations of her and the isolation this can sometimes bring, she may feel that she can’t reach out to anyone about this.
If you are in this situation, rather than letting the negative emotions build up inside, find a healthy way of addressing them. Rationalising your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs will go a long way in helping with this. And get the support where needed.
If you are in a senior role and are struggling with any of the issues described and would like to find out how my coaching can help you, contact me here.
Are you an introverted woman in a senior position who has overcome fear and a lack of confidence whilst in the role? If so, what did you do to achieve this?
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.