Belonging is a key factor needed for inclusion in the workplace. When organisations are looking at being more inclusive, personality is invariably not part of the conversation.
A growing body of research suggests that our workplaces favour extraversion. This includes my own research. I conducted a qualitative research study that explored the lived experience of belonging and psychological safety at work for introverted women leaders.
My research participants comprised a diverse group of women from the UK, US, Australia, Africa, France, and Spain who were interviewed for the study. Some of whom fitted varying intersections of gender. A common theme throughout this diverse group of women was the effect that feeling a sense of belonging at work had on how well they thrived.
My research study was inspired by a comment from a client in a coaching session. She was facing challenges being part of a senior leadership team that was male dominated. However, in the previous organisation that she worked at, she had thrived and had not experienced any of the challenges she was currently experiencing.
Having a sense of belonging helps people to thrive
When I asked what the reason was that enabled her to thrive in her previous organisation, she told me that they made her feel like she belonged. This piqued my curiosity about the effects of having a sense of belonging (or not) in the workplace, particularly through the lens of introverted women.
Feeling like we belong and that we are accepted are two fundamental drivers for us as humans. When we feel like these are present in our lives, it has a positive effect on how we view ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, and how we act and behave.
Research suggests that we need regular contact or personal engagements with other people that is in the main, positive and that this is ongoing. We need to feel an ongoing steady connection that is emotionally positive and free from negativity and conflict. If we experience this, it positively influences how we view ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, and how we act and behave.
Can you think of situations where you did not feel a sense of belonging? How did that make you feel? How did it affect how you viewed yourself? How did it affect how you acted and behaved? What have been the long-term implications of that?
The influence a childhood experience of not belonging had on me
An experience I had when I was about the age of 7 or 8 which made me feel like I didn’t belong, had a negative influence on my self-belief into adulthood. It was only a few years that I came to realise how much of a negative impact this had on my self-belief growing up and felt comfortable and confident to share my story.
I was the only black girl in my class and along with 3 of my white friends, we went through a phase of playing a game of house, where I had to be the servant. None of us understood what racism or stereotypes were, but in this seemingly innocent game, that was what was being acted out.
Even though I didn’t know about racism or negative stereotypes, it didn’t feel right that it always had to be me, and it did not feel fair. When I complained, it was said that we should take a vote, which we did. However, my 3 white friends all voted that I continue to be the servant.
Being introverted, shy, and lacking confidence back then, I didn’t have the confidence to say that I was no longer going to play with them and go and find other people to play with. Can you imagine the effect that this had on me? Feeling like I wasn’t good enough? Feeling like I didn’t belong?
As I became an adult, this equated to a lack of self-belief, self-doubt, a lack of self-confidence, and imposter syndrome. When I entered the workplace and as I progressed in my leadership career, the more I experienced a lack of a sense of belonging the more the self-doubt and feelings of not being good enough reared their head.
My lived experience was further exacerbated by environments and leaders that did not create a sense of belongingness. Like my client that I mentioned above, those environments and leaders that didn’t further enhanced my self-limiting beliefs and feeling like I did not belong. With those that did, I thrived.
Thankfully, as I have invested in my self-development, I have been able to address this and equip myself with the tools and techniques to manage this on those occasions when it tries to rear its head.
Now, the work that I do includes me coaching others to be able to overcome and manage these self-limiting beliefs that have been shaped by their life experiences. Something that I find both rewarding and fulfilling.
Introvert bias can enhance a sense of not belonging at work
Introverted women who are senior leaders face challenges and barriers in the workplace because of their introversion, as well as the fact that they are a woman and any other intersections of gender that apply. This may enhance a sense of not belonging at work for them.
Because of unfavourable bias in the workplace towards introversion, it may make it more challenging for some people who are introverted to feel a sense of belonging. If organisations really want to be inclusive, they also need to look at whether they create an environment where ALL staff feel like they belong.
What is your experience of feeling a sense of belonging at work and the effect it has when you don’t feel like you belong? I would love to know so please let me know by commenting below.
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.