How many times have you failed to ask for what you really want because you are afraid that you will get told no? As a result, you could be missing out on new clients, a new career or that promotion you have always wanted.
The fear of rejection can be very powerful
The fear of rejection can be very powerful, freezing us in our tracks and holding us back from achieving our full potential. In fact researchers have found the pain of rejection to be like that of a broken limb. But why is it that those two simple letters ‘N – O’ can have such a devastating affect on us. Even people who appear confident and self assured can be affected by it and turn in to a quivering wreck just at the thought of getting this kind of response.
I believe that it all stems from our need for acceptance
I believe that it all stems from our need for acceptance. We want to be liked, we want to be accepted and we want to feel that we belong. Going way back, we needed the protection of the social group otherwise we were more at risk from the threat of predators. Without this protection, we had less chance of survival and we still carry an unconscious belief for acceptance and inclusion from others.
We want to belong and we do not want to feel rejected
We want to belong and we do not want to feel rejected. But you know what, we no longer need the acceptance and approval of others to survive. If someone tells you no, what is the worst thing that can happen? Even if this were to happen, what next?
I find that this happens a lot with clients not asking for what they are worth or going for jobs that are beneath their skill set, jobs that they can easily do and that do not stretch them.
One client needed some help with a particular complex application that she was doing. She had previously received an offer for help with it but despite this, she had not taken the offer up. She had not asked the person to commit to a time when they would be available to do it because she did not want to be a burden to them or for them to say no to her.
Because of this, she was missing out on going for a fantastic opportunity, all through fear of being rejected.
If someone tells you no, there could be a myriad of reasons for this which may or may not be about you. Many people automatically assume that it is about them and that there is something wrong with them. They fail to put themselves forward or ask for what they really want and as a result, they are not achieving their full potential.
For some people just the thought of being rejected sends them out in a cold sweat.
What is it that you are failing to ask for because you fear being told no?
What is it that you are failing to ask for because you fear being told no? If you do get told no, what will happen?
I asked this of one of my clients who was not charging what she was worth because she thought people would not want to pay the amount she was asking. I asked her what this could mean and what would she do if it did happen. After some thought, her response was that it could mean that they simply could not afford it and she then recognised that they would not be rejecting her.
Furthermore, she could simply pick herself up and find someone that would be willing to pay the price that she was asking for.
If you are putting off doing something or asking for something through fear of rejection, look at your situation more realistically. By holding on to an irrational belief you could be hindering your chances of achieving the success that you want.
What would be a more rational reason why you were told/might be told no?
Remember, you no longer need to have the approval of others in order to survive, rejection is a part of life.
Originally Published on LinkedIn