In a LinkedIn poll I conducted, 93% of people responded yes to the question ‘Do introverted women find it challenging to show their true identity in the workplace’.
Whilst I expected the number responding yes to be high, I was not expecting it to be this high. This poll has its limitations in that only 323 people (324 if I include myself) of the 740+ million users that LinkedIn has completed the poll. However (and I am no statistician), it is only 61 short of what survey calculators deem to be an acceptable sample for the size of the audience. To me the results are an indication of how unfavourably biased our workplaces are towards introverted women.
There are many factors that shape and influence our sense of identity. Our cultural heritage, our ethnicity, our environment, our social groups, to name a few. Whilst our personality characteristics are not our identity, they are part of our personal identity. Having a strong sense of identity and being able to embody that helps us to feel secure and confident within ourselves about who we are.
However, there are many factors that may prevent someone being able to embody their identity if there is an unfavourable bias to what they identify with. In a culture where introversion is looked on less favourably and extroversion is viewed as the ideal, it can lead to someone who is introverted feeling like they can’t show their true identity at work.
Putting on a persona
As a result, they may put on a persona, and act and behave in ways that do not come naturally to them, and do not align with who they identify as. Whilst there are certain benefits to the individual in putting on a persona, i.e., it can help them to achieve what they want, it can also have negative, psychological implications.
Being able to adapt your leadership style is essential for ALL leaders, but continuously putting on a different persona and not being true to yourself can be mentally and emotionally draining. It can cause you to lose sight of who you really are, leading to frustration and unfulfillment.
The inability for some people who are introverted to show their true identity often stems from childhood experiences. I find that it is often as a result of being made to feel that something was wrong with them because they were quieter and not as outwardly sociable as their peers.
Many of the women I coach are in their 40s and 50s, hold very senior positions, but a lifetime of feeling like they are not good enough has taken its toll. Imposter syndrome, self-doubt, perfectionism, low self-confidence, and anxiety are ways in which this has manifested for them.
So, whilst to the outside world they are admired and even envied because of their career achievements, internally, they don’t acknowledge their successes. For them, it is often the case that they were just doing their job. They come for coaching because they feel exhausted of being this way, and recognise they are not achieving their full potential and could make more of an impact and a difference. They want to be free of this.
Children are still being made to feel like they’re not good enough because they are introverted
I still see children today being made to feel like they are not good enough because they are introverted. One such child was a 5 year old girl whose mum would push her to be more outgoing and sociable like her older sibling. Or another one where a 12 year old girl came home from school upset one day because she had been marked down a grade. She is a bright girl, and her work couldn’t be faulted. The only reason given for being marked down a grade was that she didn’t put her hand up enough in class.
I recently visited my primary school to talk to the children about managing their emotions when dealing with conflict. I told them of my experience being introverted and the only black girl in my class. For many years, my childhood experiences shaped my inability to show my true identity at work.
An email from the headteacher several weeks later informed me that he had often thought about my visit to the school, and in particular about those children who are natural introverts and how the general school system does not recognise them well enough or appreciate them at all.
He said the school system talks about developing confidence, but mostly measure this by ones’ ability to stand up and talk to a room full of people. If a child finds this uncomfortable it is seen as a weakness and something to 'develop'.
Imagine the long-term effects
Imagine the effect on the two girls mentioned as they grow up and become adults if messages that they are not good enough, because they are introverted are continuously reinforced.
It will be like that of one of my clients, who, in her fifties was holding herself back from what she really wanted to do because imposter syndrome and self-doubt had negatively affected her self-confidence. As the only introvert amongst her siblings, as a child, her desire to lose herself in painting and drawing was met with being pushed to be more sociable and outgoing like the others.
Whilst her parents probably thought that they were doing this for her benefit, the effect of this was self-doubt and imposter syndrome, and not being all that she could be.
For her the penny dropped when she came for coaching, learnt self-acceptance, and rid herself of the self-limiting beliefs that had plagued her for as long as she could remember. This was when she felt confident to express her true identity.
This new-found level of confidence has seen her go on and do some extraordinary things, making the impact and the difference she wants to make. Something I myself can relate to, because for me, coming to a place of self-acceptance and embracing who I am, led to a strong sense of identity and self-belief.
What about you?
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.