How easy do you find it asking for help? Do you readily ask for help or is asking for help a challenge for you? For many women, asking for help is a challenge. Some believe that they will be seen as weak. Some believe that it will be seen as a sign that they can’t cope. Some even believe that others will find out that they are not really good enough.
I know firsthand because I’ve been there myself in the past and many of the women I work with now believe the same too.
Back in the early noughties and as a single mum who was both studying and progressing up the career ladder, the song Independent Women by the group Destiny’s Child became my mantra. I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t cope. I didn’t want to be labelled a stereotypical single mum. So I put on a smile and went about life letting everyone believe that I was this strong independent woman.
And I am not alone. Many women whether single mums, married mums, or child free struggle with the concept of asking for help when they need it. But why do we do it?
Once I realised that I fell into this category, I started to question why. I would rather have worked myself flat out than admitted that I needed help. But ladies, you know what, it is OK to ask for help and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, or a sign that you can’t cope. It does not even have to be a sign that you are not good enough.
Many women are being held back in their careers because they will not ask for help.
We don’t like to let go
I recently had this conversation with a woman who was absolutely shattered and looked on the verge of burnout. She has 3 businesses but has very little support. She won’t let go and delegate because she thinks that work will not get done to the same standard as she does it.
We like to be in control and if we don’t feel that we are in control, we feel insecure, we worry, we become fearful and we stress. But the danger of not letting go and letting someone capable of doing so take some of the load is that we run ourselves ragged trying to do it all.
Let others share the load. Whether this is delegating to someone who wants to gain experience or outsourcing aspects of what you do.
There’s no reason why they shouldn’t do a good job of it if you have communicated properly what needs to be done and they have the required skills. Effective delegation will ensure that the task gets done well.
Why reinvent the wheel?
How many videos have you watched on YouTube trying to find the exact solution to your situation and hours later you’ve still not been able to find one?
How many hours have you spent trying to work something out when you could have picked up the phone and got someone who has done it before to either do the task or advise you on what you should do?
Why stress and worry trying to figure it all out yourself if there are others who have trod the path before you that you can tap into. If you are stuck trying to do something, seek support from someone who knows how and focus your efforts on the things that you can do and that you are good at.
It’s not a sign of weakness
How often do you burn the candle at both ends, not because you’ve been living it up having nights out on the town, but because of your heavy workload, you’ve been working into the early hours of the morning?
You know that staying on top of your workload is impossible but you soldier on. You think that if you let them know that it is too much pressure they will think that you can’t cope and that you’re not up for the role and that will be the end of your career.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but unfortunately, many women in high pressured roles feel that admitting they need help will show that they are not up to the role.
Being able to recognise when your load is too much to bear and saying ‘no more’ is a strength not a weakness. You can only do so much before you reach the end of your own capabilities. Continuing beyond that is damaging for your health.
You need to ask for help in order to progress
If you have aspirations for your personal, career or business development, you need to be able to ask for help in order to achieve them.
Whether it is asking someone to explain something more clearly, asking someone to mentor you, asking someone to make an introduction for you, asking for help will aid your growth.
There are many studies that show women are less likely to ask for a pay rise or for opportunities that will aid their leadership development.
If you don’t ask you don’t get
A fear of being told no is a reason many women don’t ask for help which could stem from a fear of rejection.
We have a longing to belong and don’t like others to view us critically because deep down some of us believe that means they don’t want us. Being rejected is associated with pain and failure so rather than experience this pain, we don’t ask. That way we won’t be rejected.
Just because someone tells you no, it does not necessarily mean that they are rejecting you. And if you don’t ask in the first place, you will never know if you would have got what you asked for. There could be many reasons they have said no and even if they are rejecting you, what is the worst thing that can happen?
Yes, you may feel upset and hurt for a while but this will pass. You can choose to hold on to it or you can accept it and let it go. Holding on to it will only make you fearful of asking again in the future.
Asking for help will either get you a yes or a no but unless you ask, you will never know. Why suffer or struggle in silence when you can ask for help.
What are you currently struggling with? Who can help you with it? Go on, ask them for help and let me know how you get on.
Originally Published on LinkedIn
Photo by Christina @ wocinterchat.com on Unsplash