In a meeting that is predominately male, where there is an abundance of testosterone and typical traits such as competitiveness, strength and energy abound, for a shy woman it can be intimidating to confidently speak out and let her voice be heard.
With only 17.7% of the FTSE 250 directorships being held by women, the more senior you become, chances are, you will be in meetings that are predominantly male environments.
Whether you are a woman in business or a woman climbing the corporate ladder, if you are shy and quiet, putting your point of view across and getting your message heard can be very challenging.
Not doing anything about it will only make you miserable
If you are fed up of not being taken seriously or having people talk over you, this short guide will show you how you can develop assertiveness and confidently put your point of view across without being aggressive.
Feeling undermined and having people ride rough shod over you affects your self confidence and if you don’t do anything to address this, it will make your working life miserable. If you want to be seen as a leader, if you want your voice to be heard, you need to take action.
What prevents you from asserting yourself?
Some of the common reasons preventing women from asserting themselves in business and in the workplace include, believing they’re not good enough, believing that they will be ridiculed and believing that they will say the wrong thing.
If you are not asserting yourself because you believe that you are not good enough, where is the evidence to support that view? If you were not good enough, do you really think that you would be doing the work that you do?
In the event that you did say the wrong thing (and this might not even happen), what is the worst that could happen? You would feel embarrassed for a while maybe? But you know what, that moment will pass and unless you say something that is totally offensive or completely out of turn, chances are, it will soon be forgotten about. But you will be fretting and getting even more anxious about the prospect of speaking out again.
If you were to be ridiculed, what would happen? How realistic is it that in a meeting of professional adults, you will be ridiculed?
Holding unhelpful, irrational beliefs about what will happen if you assert yourself will only make you feel anxious and fearful. When you feel anxious and fearful, you are less likely to have the courage to speak out. Viewing the situation in a more helpful and rational way, will help you to feel less anxious and more confident about asserting yourself.
What will happen if you do not address this?
What are the consequences of not speaking out and how does it make you feel? Do you feel hurt, intimidated, not listened to, frustrated? And how will not doing anything about it, help you with your professional development?
In the business world it is often the case that he who shouts loudest is heard, or because of an aggressive nature, those who are more passive in nature will not confront and challenge what they say. If this is you, here are some tips to help you assert yourself and get your voice heard:-
Hold your ground
Whether you are in a meeting or in a one to one situation, when someone starts to interrupt you, hold your ground and continue talking. Raise your voice slightly but do not shout and speak firmly. If they continue, say calmly but firmly, ‘excuse me, I have not finished yet’.
If they are used to you not saying anything, this will take them by surprise
If the nature of the conversation is that you can’t get a word in, place your 2 hands on the table, lean slightly forward and say firmly ‘excuse me, I would like to add xxxx’. If anyone tries to talk over you, continue to speak calmly and firmly.
Confrontation
The word confrontation in itself has negative, aggressive connotations and because of this, the word alone puts many women off. The thought of having to confront someone makes some women feel anxious and fearful. As a result, they end up saying nothing and the situation continues and it makes them feel stressed.
If you need to confront someone, rather than viewing it as a confrontation, look at it as you are going to help the other person understand your point of view.
Dealing with an angry colleague
When faced with an angry colleague, rather than shouting back and letting an argument ensue, in order to calm the situation, acknowledge that the person is feeling annoyed and let them know that you are sorry that they feel this way.
Firmly ask them to let you explain your point of view and let them know that once you have finished, you will listen to what they have to say.
Make sure that you are not fuelling the situation by how you respond.
Someone not pulling their weight
Whether it is a colleague or a member of your team, it needs to be nipped in the bud. Have recent examples to support what you are going to say. Don’t go in there all guns blazing. Focus on the behaviour and the impact it is having and not on the individual.
Listen to what they have to say, there may be an underlying reason.
A difficult boss
Having a difficult conversation with someone who is senior to you can be awkward for some. However, just because they are more senior to you, if you are aggrieved by the way you are being treated, it doesn’t mean that you can’t let them know.
Have recent evidence to support what you want to say, choose a time to speak to them when they have the time to talk. Again, focus on the behaviour and not the individual.
A client of mine was constantly being asked to do something that was not part of her role by her Director and she was becoming quite stressed about this. She had put up with this for some time, not wanting to speak out because of the seniority gap. However, through coaching, she was able to confidently address this with her director and it transpired that the director had not even been aware of the implications of their behaviour on my client.
If you feel that your voice is not being heard, there is only one person that can do something about it and that is you. Hopefully these tips will help you with this.
If you believe that the way you are being treated amounts to bullying or harassment, don’t let it continue. Seek support and advice as to how you can address this.
Originally Published on LinkedIn