Many of us compare ourselves to others and put ourselves down if we are not getting the kind of success or results that they are. This could be work related, relationships, the way that we look, it could be any aspect of our lives.
I see this often with people who are different to the dominant group. Such as an introvert in an extroverted environment, a woman in a male dominated environment, a black person in a white dominated environment, and so on.
People who are in the minority to the dominant group are more likely to experience imposter syndrome than those who are in the majority.
Social media sometimes doesn't help because often what we see is the polished, end result. But we haven't seen the person's journey to get there. What looks like an overnight success, may have been 10 years in the making for all we know.
Our self-belief diminishes when we compare ourselves to others and put ourselves down in the process
When we compare ourselves to others and put ourselves down because we think that we are not as good as them, it can chip away at our self-belief. We start to believe that we are not good enough or that we won’t succeed. Holding on to that belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and we lack the confidence to do what it is that we want to do.
How many times have you compared yourself to someone else and told yourself ‘I’m not as good as…’, or ‘I will never be as good as…’? How does this make you feel?
We are all individual and unique
I have had many a coaching client who, when stepping into a new role, compare themselves to their predecessor who has made a good impact through their work. They tell themselves that they won’t be able to live up to what the other person has achieved.
Looking at the reasons why they got the role, and putting things into perspective, helps to shift their thinking. So rather than trying to be like them, they be themselves and bring their unique perspective
When you try to be something that you are not, not only is it inauthentic, but you also put a lot of pressure on yourself. This negatively impacts how you feel and how you come across.
I had a client who was very creative but worked in a very bureaucratic environment. She was constantly stressed as she felt that she was not as up to scratch as her peers. This resulted in her working excessive hours and taking work home with her. She was insecure when it came to decision making.
If she had to deliver on a particular project or task, she would check things over and over again as she did not feel confident about whether she had done it right. Because she was so stressed, it stifled her creativity. She would compare herself to colleagues, thinking that they could do things so effortlessly. Every time she saw them produce high quality work in a way that seemed so effortless, she questioned her own ability and doubted herself.
When challenged about her thinking, she recognised that she didn’t know what her colleagues were going through in order to get the results that they got. Because she was only seeing the final product, she had no understanding or knowledge of the journey it took for them to deliver such outstanding work.
She was making assumptions without the evidence to support her beliefs
What made it worse was that she was not getting feedback (whether good or bad) about her performance. In the absence of feedback, she was drawing her own conclusions. She was making assumptions without the evidence to support her beliefs.
Furthermore, she was trying to be something that was not her. She was trying to act as if she was very structured and very methodical, which she found stressful.
Recognising that there was no evidence to support her beliefs eased the anxiety around the work that she was doing. Accepting herself for who she was and acknowledging that she was different to her colleagues and that they all had their own unique ways about them, helped her to stop comparing herself to them and putting herself down in the process.
She was able to deliver results equally as good as her colleagues, it was just that she went about it in a different way.
Stop trying to be someone that you are not
If you constantly compare yourself to others and as a result, put yourself down or try to be like them, admire them, yes, but don’t try to be them. You are you, with all the skills, abilities, and strengths that make you unique. Plus, you do not know their journey to get to where they are.
Do you ever compare yourself to others and in doing so, put yourself down in the process? If so, what impact does this have on you?
First published on LinkedIn.
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