For the shy retiring woman who is not very confident, the higher up the corporate ladder you climb, the easier it can be to lose part of who you really are as you try to fit in and be accepted.
In an organisation where it is ‘she who shouts loudest gets heard’ and everyone is demanding attention, you may feel that you have to do the same too. But by trying to be something that you’re not, you will come across as fake and put pressure on yourself. You will act in ways that are just not you.
Finding your authentic voice as a leader will enable you to lead in a way that comes naturally to you, being yourself, whilst getting results.
Know who you truly are
Know who you truly are as an individual and be that person (or a better version of that person) and not who your parents wanted you to be, what your spouse/partner/friends think you should be, or some other ideology of who you should be that just is not you.
Identify the behaviours that really matter to you and that align with your core values. These are the ones that will come most naturally. Play to your strengths because this is where you will shine.
Be clear about the areas that you are not strong in and develop them where necessary or delegate to someone for whom your weaknesses are their strengths.
Be assertive, not passive or aggressive
Recognise the differences between passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour. Psychologist Dr Randy Paterson offers a good analogy that explains the differences. He likens it to being on a stage. For the passive person, the world is allowed on the stage but the passive individual’s role is to be the audience and supporter for everyone else. For the aggressive person, they’re allowed on stage but they want centre stage and spend most of their time shoving others off. For the assertive person, everyone is welcome on the stage.
Which category do you fall into? If you are the audience/supporter, or constantly pushing everyone off stage, adapt your behaviour so that you are up there on the stage with everyone else.
Develop your self awareness
What impact do you have on others? How does an encounter with you leave other people feeling? Are people open and receptive to what you have to say, or do they clam up and get defensive when they are around you. If it is the latter, ask yourself why?
Even if you are the bearer of bad news or unpleasantries, you can still put your message across in a way that doesn’t immediately rub people up the wrong way.
If several people tell you that you always get very defensive (or whatever negative thing they say), ask yourself why so many people would say this about you?
Listen
Make the time to listen. Listen to those more junior, those more senior, those stakeholders and customers that you come into contact with. Listen, not just to what is said but be observant to what is not said.
Too often we don’t really take the time to listen. We butt in part way through conversations, trying to finish sentences, putting our spin on things, putting our words into the mouths of others. If we could just take the time to listen, others would really feel heard.
And it’s not just listening for the sake of listening, it is listening because you are interested and because you genuinely care. It is very empowering for a person to feel that they are not only being listened to, but that their voice is also being heard.
You can learn a lot by listening, not just about others but also about yourself.
Don’t worry about what others think of you
When you worry too much about what other people think about you it can cause you to be fearful and insecure. Being self assured and confident with who you are will free you from these fears and insecurities.
‘The secret of true self acceptance is to stop seeing ourselves as a single entity. We are made up of hundreds of component parts – our skills, abilities, physique, sporting or artistic leanings, levels of competitiveness, intelligence, emotional maturity, personal qualities... And many more.’- (Wilding & Palmer)
Learning to accept yourself for who you are will help with this. Some women overlook their good qualities and focus on the 1 or 2 things that they don’t do well or that they are not good at. They blow these out of proportion and end up feeling rubbish about themselves. Believing that they’re not good enough or developing Imposter Syndrome. They think that they will get found out that they really aren’t any good and shouldn’t be doing that role.
If you struggle with this, get support to help you address it.
How do you really want to lead?
Imagine that you are the kind of leader that you aspire to be, leading in a way that not only comes naturally, but one where you feel confident in what you do, what you say and with who you are. How are you speaking? How are people responding to you? How do you go about your daily activities? What kind of results are you achieving?
Now look at how you are performing as a leader now. What is the difference between what you do now to what you just imagined? What do you need to do now to close that gap?
Originally Published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.