Whenever I conduct a poll or survey amongst introverted women who are senior leaders asking what their biggest challenges are, speaking up at meetings always ranks at the top. This is due to the nature of how meetings are conducted. There is often a lot of small talk going on, and people seemingly speaking just for the sake of speaking. Many times, despite all the talk, they tell me that there is little substance in what is being said.
Because many people who are introverted don’t like making small talk, they don’t engage in it. They prefer to speak when they have something of value to add.
Many tell me they wish they could be like their extroverted colleagues, speaking off the cuff, and talking a lot. But when I challenge them and ask why they want to be like that if there is little substance in what is being said, they realise they don’t want to be that way after all.
They would rather be themselves and find ways to make their best contribution in their own authentic way. If you’re tired of having ideas and not putting them forward at meetings, only to find that other people put forward what you were thinking, these tips might help.
Prepare what you want to say in advance
If you have had your idea before the meeting, prepare what it is that you want to put forward in advance. Think about how you want your message to be received. How do you want people to feel after hearing your idea? I presume you want them to be enthused about it. Knowing the people at the meeting, think about how you need to deliver your message to get them enthused and influence them buying into what you have to say.
If the idea comes up during the meeting, write it down. Think about the key points that you want to get across.
Listen for when to jump in and speak
At an in-person meeting it is easier to gauge when someone is reaching the end of what they are saying than it is in a virtual meeting. You can pick up cues from their body language and tone of voice. In a virtual meeting, this is somewhat harder, even more so if people have their cameras turned off.
Given that most meetings are virtual at the moment, you will need to listen more intently to pick up on the signals of when someone is coming to the end of what they are saying. Be ready to jump in with what you want to say and present your idea.
If your leadership meetings are the kind where not everyone is given the opportunity to speak, if you sit and wait, you may not get to put your idea forward.
Address any self-limiting beliefs
Examine the reason why you let this happen. What are your beliefs about yourself, the others in the room, and how you are perceived? What do you think will happen? You may have had a bad experience in the past that has shaped how you feel about putting your ideas forward. As a result, you may feel anxious about doing so. Or you may be experiencing imposter syndrome, or self-doubt. Or you may even have a fear of rejection.
Whatever your beliefs are, they can be changed. Rationalise your thoughts and beliefs. Put things into perspective. Keep challenging your thinking. And if the worst were to happen, what could you do?
Take action and speak up about your ideas, and the more you do it and create better experiences for yourself, the easier it will get.
People do sometimes come up with the same idea
If you have different people trying to come up with a solution to an issue or challenge, it is inevitable that sometimes more than one person will come up with the same idea. In science they call it multiple discovery, and over the years multiple inventions have come about simultaneously.
If you have not shared your idea with anyone and someone pips to the post with the idea before you, there is not a lot you can do about it. Accept they got in there before you and make sure you speak with your ideas a lot sooner in the future.
If you have shared your ideas with others and they put them forward as their own and take credit for it (something that many people tell me happens to them), that is an issue I will address in another article.
If you carry on not getting your ideas heard in meetings, how will this make you feel in the long-term? How will this affect the influence you want to have and the impact you want to make?
If you continue to let your ideas go unheard, not only will it negatively affect your influence and impact, but it will also affect how you feel about yourself. So, remind yourself of what happens when you don’t speak up. If you want to get your ideas heard, don’t wait too long to speak up about them in meetings.
Have you held back on putting forward your ideas in meetings only to have someone else speak up about the very same thing? If so, how did it make you feel? And what can you do differently in the future?
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.