If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader, does this sound familiar? You are in a board meeting, full of extroverted men and need to influence them to buy into your idea. You feel invisible, unheard, and anxious about things. You need to sell yourself but hate self-promotion.
You are being talked over by someone who is obnoxious and egotistical, questions are being thrown at you randomly from all directions, and your confidence has eroded. You know you have immense value to add and feel frustrated that you are not making the impact you want to make.
If you can relate to this, let me shed some light on what might be happening in this situation:-
Manterruptions
Manterrupting is a phenomenon (that is scientifically documented) which describes those situations where women are interrupted by men. The term is said to have been coined as a result of a situation at the MTV 2009 music video awards when Taylor Swift had the microphone snatched from her hand by Kanye West who interrupted what she was saying. However, studies about the concept predate that incident.
A 1975 study found that in conversations where there was a gender mix, 47 out of 48 interruptions were men interrupting women. In 2015, Sheryl Sandberg, COO at Facebook and psychologist Professor Adam Grant wrote in the New York Times about the reasons why women often decide that saying less is more in meetings. They referred to research that supports their observations.
Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
You have not done your thinking beforehand
People who are extroverted find it easier to talk whilst they are thinking, and therefore seemingly are better at speaking off the cuff. They are said to process their thinking whilst they are talking. Whereas, people who are introverted invariably think and reflect before speaking, and if you are in a room full of extroverts, you may feel there is an expectation that you respond off the cuff too.
Do you do adequate thinking in advance of meetings? Doing adequate preparation in advance, means you do a lot of thinking beforehand. This then makes it easier for you to respond on the spot.
You may also want to think about letting people know your preferred thinking style, and not be intimidated because everyone else is extroverted and are comfortable being put on the spot. And when you think about it, are those on the spot responses even the best ones anyway?
You are not reading the room
Understanding the behaviours and emotions of the people in the room, how they act and react to you, and modifying your behaviour accordingly will make it easier for you to add your value.
By understanding what their concerns and worries are, what motivates them, and what is going on in their ‘world’ it is easier to build trust. People buy from people they know, like and trust.
So even though you may not be selling a product as such, you are still selling. You are selling your ideas and you want to help the others in the meeting see the value in your ideas and buy into them.
It is easy to get caught up with all the worries, concerns and challenges you have about board meetings, and this can make you too tense and anxious to be able to read the room.
Imposter syndrome has reared its head
Studies suggest that those that are in the minority are more susceptible to imposter syndrome. I also find that the more senior someone gets, and the more exposed they are, the more they feel like an imposter. It is not limited to women or introverts, men and extroverts experience this too.
You may worry that you will get found out that you are not good enough. Or you may look at your peers and think they are much better at confidently articulating and selling their ideas and put yourself down in the process.
You may put a lot of pressure on yourself and work excessive hours to make sure things are perfect. Or you may even procrastinate and put things off for as long as you possibly can because of how you feel.
As an introverted woman and senior leader in a male dominated, extroverted environment, part of that overwhelm could be due to imposter syndrome.
You are caught in an unhelpful, self-limiting belief loop
All that I have described above, alongside early negative life experiences, helps to shape your beliefs about yourself, the meeting environment and how things will go. You then form an unhelpful belief about board meetings and get caught up in an unhelpful self-limiting belief loop. This in turn erodes your confidence.
Because you have unhelpful beliefs about these types of meetings, you are more likely to feel anxious about them, and fear them. This then negatively affects how you perform in them, and how confident you are.
Addressing those unhelpful beliefs will make you feel less anxious and overwhelmed. You will feel more confident, allowing you to perform at your best. This makes it easier for you to deal with all the above.
Can you relate to what I have described above? If so, please let me know in the comments.
First published on LinkedIn.
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