They tell me that they put on a persona because they think they will get treated less favourably because they are introverted. Over the years they have been told they need to speak up more or be more outgoing. Or they have been made to feel like they were invisible, or their voices go unheard. They have seen colleagues get recognition for their efforts just because they were more extroverted than them.
Over a period of time, putting on an extroverted persona can take it toll, and here are three consequences when introverted women leaders try to maintain putting on an extroverted persona over lengthy periods of time.
1. It’s exhausting
If you are trying to come across as high energy, highly sociable, and talkative all the time, it will drain you. And if you don’t give yourself adequate time to rest and recharge, you will feel exhausted.
Kitty Stryker is a writer who is introverted and who says she forced herself to be extroverted for 15 years. She said that she would take enough uppers to stay awake until the early hours, and then enough downers to stop her anxiety from sky rocketing. Over time she began to depend on constantly using these chemicals to reach the level of ideal extroversion she needed to be at so that she would be seen as “fun.”
Whilst social anxiety is not a characteristic of introversion, the exhaustion from acting extroversion can bring on social anxiety. This is something that Kitty relates to.
Now whilst Kitty’s experience of taking uppers and downers may be extreme, and I haven’t yet come across anyone who has resorted to that. Nevertheless, the pressure from putting on an extroverted persona can be exhausting.
2. It can affect your self-belief and self-confidence
Trying to keep up a pretence can affect your self-belief and in turn your self-confidence. Because you are trying to be something you are not, you may find that you doubt yourself. You may question whether you are good enough because being that way does not come naturally to you.
For some people who put on a persona, their confidence has eroded. That discord between who they really are and who they are trying to be makes them feel inauthentic. When we feel inauthentic, we don’t feel good about ourselves.
It can also bring on imposter syndrome, and that feeling you will get found out that you are a fake.
3. You may experience perfectionism
If you feel like you are not good enough, you may find that you experience perfectionism. You may put a lot of pressure on yourself working excessive hours. Ruminating and spending too long on tasks in order to get things perfect so you will be seen as good enough.
Because you are trying to live up to an ideal that is not you, if you are feeling anxious as a result, you may find that you become overly sensitive to criticism, and the fear of rejection. This perpetuates perfectionism
Perfectionism can be stressful, and this stress only adds to the anxiety you may be experiencing.
Rather than pretend, here’s what to do instead?
Accept yourself as you are and instead of pretending to be something that you’re not, be yourself. Introversion doesn’t mean you can’t be sociable, be seen, or be heard. As a leader you will be required to do these things, so learn how to adapt without having to act like someone you are not (if you don’t want to). Identify any areas of development and address those.
Manage your energy levels so that in situations where you are required to be more sociable and energetic, you approach them feeling at your optimal. Because if you feel drained, feeling like that in such environments will make it harder for you to engage and be sociable.
Utilise your strengths and be your authentic self, and you will find that you are naturally more confident.
Do you put on a persona and try and be someone you’re not? If so, what impact does it have on you?
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.