Whether it is a fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, perfectionism, or other self-limiting belief, for many of us fear prevents us being our best selves and achieving our full potential as leaders.
As an emotion, fear can be pretty intense. The more intense you experience an emotion (whether negative or positive), the more powerful its effect on you. When it comes to the negative thinking that fuels fear, ruminating on those negative thoughts can become self-perpetuating, reinforcing your fears.
How many times do you stop and examine what it is that you are really fearful of and whether or not there is any substance to it? I coach many introverted women who are senior leaders for whom fear has created anxiety. It negatively affects their self-confidence, their influence, and impact, and it can keep them stuck. The thing is, whilst they may hold on to their fears, their colleagues, and the people they lead, don’t have a clue that this is how they are feeling.
Fear is a natural, physiological response to a perceived threat. It is ok to feel fearful, but it is what you do with that feeling that matters. You can magnify it and blow it out of proportion, or you can put things into perspective, relative to the situation at hand. How you respond to that fear will be determined by the emphasis you give it.
If fear gets in the way for you, try the steps in this roadmap to conquer it once and for all.
1. Sit with the emotion
When we experience fear, many of us try to shut it down because we don’t like how it makes us feel. So, we fight the feeling, and try to push it to the back of our minds. We become judgemental of ourselves and beat ourselves up about being fearful. But it keeps coming back making us even more anxious about what we need to do.
By doing this, we give more power to the fear and the more power it has, the more all-consuming it becomes. However, like the wind, emotions are fleeting. They come and go. But unlike the wind, you can manage your emotions.
Rather than automatically trying to push away the fear, sit with the emotion. Explore what it is all about. Where does it affect you physiologically? What are your thoughts about what it is that you need to do? What are your worries and concerns?
Do not ruminate over what you are fearful of, or wallow in what you think is going to happen. Acknowledge and accept that this is how you feel, without being judgemental of yourself.
Sitting with the emotion in this way and exploring it, helps to lessen the negative power it has over you. You might find it helpful to write about it and write down your responses to the questions above.
2. Adopt a more helpful perspective
When we are fearful of a situation it is often because we are focused on and worrying about the worst possible outcome. When you imagine the worst is going to happen about a situation, it can make you feel anxious. When you feel anxious, it can make you fear what it is that you need to do. But that’s not helpful to you, and what you are fearful of may not even be rational.
How does what you are thinking help you? What is a more helpful and rational perspective to have? What is the worst that could happen? And if it were to happen, what could you do?
Developing a perspective that is more helpful and rational will reduce the anxiety you feel, making what you want to do less fearful.
3. Don’t make assumptions
We often make assumptions about situations without having any proof that supports our beliefs. Or we base our current situation on something that has happened to us previously.
When we are fearful and try to second guess what the outcome will be, we are more likely to think it will be a less favourable outcome.
Just because something happened previously, it doesn’t mean it is going to happen again. Also, we can take the lessons learned from what happened previously and apply them to the thing that we are fearful of now.
What can you do differently to get a different outcome?
4. You probably even know what you can do
Deep down you probably already know what you need to do, but you’ve not given yourself the space to think about the situation rationally. If someone who you loved and cared about, came to you because they were fearful of the same thing that you are fearful of, what would you tell them to do?
When it’s someone else’s problem, it is easier for us to put their situation into perspective and give them good advice about how to proceed. Yet when it comes to our own situations, it is sometimes hard to look at it objectively in order to gain that perspective.
So, imagine that it is your best friend who has the fear that you have, and give them your best advice about what they should do. Then take that advice and apply it to yourself.
5. Build and develop your fear conquering muscle
Your fear may be built on years of thinking and believing the way that you have. It may even go back as far as your childhood. As such, a permanent change is not going to happen overnight. But our brains are quite incredible. Just because you’ve had a particular belief about yourself for as long as you can remember, you can rewire your brain and change what you think and believe.
It is difficult to unlearn what has always been, so you need to be committed to creating new ways of thinking and believing. You will need to develop and build your ‘fear conquering muscle’. When you find yourself holding yourself back or not being the best you as a leader because of fear, repeat what I have suggested above.
Keep repeating and practising new ways of thinking and believing about yourself and be prepared to be in it for the long haul. If you slip up and find yourself becoming anxious and fearful again, don’t beat yourself up and fall back into old ways of thinking. Instead, acknowledge and accept what has happened and repeat steps 1 to 4, again and again with each situation as needed.
Be aware that this is not an overnight fix. It requires repeated effort to form a habit and become natural behaviour. You may find it easier and quicker to do this when you have someone supporting you with it.
How have you overcome fear in your leadership career? Or does it continue to hold you back or stop you from being your best?
Originally published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.
