I have previously written about giving negative feedback and shared tips on how you can do this if giving negative feedback is something you avoid. This week I am writing about asking for feedback when it is not forthcoming, and how to deal with negative feedback if you receive it.
Having read an article on the Harvard Business Review website that stated women are 20% less likely to receive actionable feedback that can contribute to their performance and growth at work, I conducted a LinkedIn poll to elicit views on here. Whilst the poll has many limitations, and it didn’t just include women, it was revealing, nevertheless.
Only 35% said they regularly received helpful feedback about their leadership/work performance and 28% said they don’t receive any feedback at all. I have often seen in the absence of feedback women leaders draw their own conclusion. Most often in drawing their own conclusion, they rate themselves less favourably.
If you don’t receive feedback and you are worried that if you ask, the responses may not be favourable. Or you receive feedback that is unhelpful or don’t agree with, the following may help:
Asking for feedback when it’s not forthcoming and you’re anxious about what it will look like
It can be easy to let things ride if you don’t receive feedback because you’re worried that it might not be favourable. This is particularly so if you are prone to imposter syndrome, and you fear that you’ll get found out that you’re not really good enough.
By not asking for it, you are doing yourself a disservice and not allowing yourself an opportunity for growth and hindering your leadership development.
If you don’t like criticism and are worried that feedback will be negative, explore your reasons for thinking that you will get negative feedback. What justification is there for that belief? Is it that deep down you know you haven’t been performing as you should be? Or are you having a dose of imposter syndrome and imagining the worst possible outcome when the reality is that there is no evidence to support your belief?
When asking for feedback, be clear about what you want feedback on and be specific.
What’s the worst that could happen?
If you avoid asking for feedback, what’s the worst that could happen if you do? It will either be positive, negative, or in-between. By being open to receive the negative as well as the positive, you give yourself an opportunity to identify your blind spots and areas of development.
If the feedback is the worst that you could have imagined, what can you do about it? If the person has been fair and specific in giving you the feedback, if you have been totally honest with yourself, did you have some idea that this was to come?
If feedback does show that you are not performing as you should, use it as an opportunity to develop and create a plan for this.
If feedback is unhelpful or you don’t agree with it
Sometimes feedback can be vague, with the person giving the feedback needing to develop their skills at giving it. If it is unhelpful, ask for specific examples of where you fell short of what was expected and get clarity on what the expectations are. Make sure you are clear about what you need to do in order to meet those expectations.
If you don’t agree with what is being said, don’t respond emotionally. Give yourself time to calm down and to think rationally, then analyse the feedback. Try and see things from the other person’s perspective. What could be the reason why they gave you such feedback?
Is there specific evidence to support what they have said? Do you have specific evidence to show that the feedback is not justified? Don’t let your emotions get in the way of you looking at the situation objectively.
Arrange to meet with the person who gave the feedback. If there are aspects of the feedback that you agree with, acknowledge this, and communicate how you will address it. Where you don’t agree, ask for clarification. Be clear why you disagree and back it up with examples.
Hopefully you will come to an agreement. However, if you are unable to reach a consensus, what happens next will depend on who it is giving the feedback and what the feedback is for. This will determine your next steps and depending on the situation, you may want to get advice and/or support.
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.
