‘As an aspiring leader, I’m repeatedly told that I’m introverted and if I want to progress, then I need to change…’
I often receive statements like the above from leaders of all levels, who are basically being told to stop being themselves and to be someone that they are not. This is at a time when the need for authenticity in leadership is spoken about so widely, which is kind of contradictory. How can someone be authentic if they are not being themselves?
A lack of understanding of introversion along with the extravert ideal (which is pervasive in many workplaces), means that people who are introverted are often viewed less favourably. The qualities that introverted leaders bring to the table often go overlooked in favour of those who are more vocal and more gregarious.
I often observe the dynamics at play in how people gravitate to those who are more popular. We see it in the workplace. We see it on social media. We see it in society in general. Many people have been conditioned to see those leaders who make the most noise and get the most attention as the ones to follow. But just because someone is more vocal and gets lots of attention, it doesn’t automatically make them a good leader.
It’s time that those who appoint leaders stop failing to recognise the diverse range of qualities which are required for good and effective leadership. This doesn’t just apply in terms of introversion, it applies across the board and includes other groups that are disadvantaged.
Most scientific research that informs leadership and behavioural theory and practice is biased toward Western ideologies, and this dictates what is considered ideal. It’s these ideals that often marginalise those who are different.
Not only does this result in an unfavourable bias towards those that don’t fit what is considered the ideal, but it can also affect them psychologically. With imposter syndrome, code switching, and feeling like they don’t fit in being part of their experience. Not only is this pressurising and stressful, but it can also chip away at their self-belief and self-confidence.
Does the extravert ideal that we see in our workplaces arise from the emphasis that is placed on self-attainment within individualistic cultures? Whereas collectivist cultures value the qualities that introverted leaders bring to the table?
Telling introverts that they need to stop being introverted does not help them to feel psychologically safe or like they belong. Organisations owe it to their employees and stakeholders to create environments which are psychologically safe and where people feel like they belong. Something the extravert ideal does not do. It marginalises those who are introverted.
Why should leaders who are introverted have to change if they want to get on? Yes, they may need to modify their behaviour at times if they are to get the best outcomes, but this applies to ALL leaders.
We need to move away from this notion that the extravert ideal is the best for leadership.
Contrary to what some people think, just because someone is introverted it doesn’t mean that they can’t be sociable, or that they can’t add value at meetings. We need to move away from this notion that the extravert ideal is the best for leadership.
To anyone reading this who is told that you need to stop being introverted in order to progress as a leader, my advice to you is to ask why. Ask for specific feedback (with examples) as to what aspects of your behaviour are hindering your leadership progress.
If there is any substance to the feedback, my guess is that it is not because you are introverted as to why you are not progressing. Rather, there may be a lack of specific experience, or behaviours and/or skills that need developing.
To those of you who are telling someone who is introverted that they need to stop being introverted, what are you basing this on? Do you understand what being introverted or extraverted actually means?
Be clear as to the specific behaviours, skills, or experiences that are needed. Don’t base your assumptions on misconceptions about what being introverted means. Or because you have bought into the notion that extraversion is the ideal.
Have you ever been told that you need to stop being introverted if you want to progress? If so, how did you handle it? Please let me know below.
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.
