According to Healthy Brains, our brains process 70,000 thoughts per day, whereas a study by researchers at Queen’s University, Kingston, Canada estimated it to be over 6000 per day. But whether it is 70,000 or 6000, each day we have a lot of thoughts going through our minds.
With many leaders, they don't pay close enough attention to their thoughts and see that some of those thoughts are unhelpful or irrational. And because many people are so used to those unhelpful thoughts, they don’t question or challenge them to see whether there is any substance to them. As a result, these unhelpful thoughts shape their beliefs, and they end up lying to themselves about themselves.
I see this time and time again when coaching or delivering workshops where someone has convinced them-self that they are not good enough. It might be that they experience imposter syndrome and believe that they got their role because of luck, or that they can’t do something, or go after something that they want. It has a negative impact on their self-confidence, self-belief, ability to assert themselves, decision making, delegating, speaking up, and more, and it can be stressful.
Some of them think that the interview panel took pity on them or thought that they were the best out of a bad bunch. They forget that they’ve been through a competitive selection process and were deemed the best candidate for the role.
In many situations, the environment has a big part to play. Particularly where the person sees themselves as being different from the majority of their peers and in the minority amongst the leadership team.
It might be that they are a black or brown person in a predominately white team. They may be the only woman in a team dominated by men. They may have come from a disadvantaged socio-economic background whereas everyone else is from a privileged one. They may be the only introvert amongst a group of extraverts. Whatever their difference is, they don’t think that they are as good as the others, and the environment often does not help.
This is because the environment that they are in does not make them feel like they belong, and they don’t feel psychologically safe. Because of their privilege of being in the dominant group, the rest of the leadership team are often oblivious to what is going on.
Not having been through their colleague’s lived experience, they fail to see that the environment is one where some people feel like they don’t belong. Some think that because there is diversity, everything is ok. But just because there is diversity in the team, it does not mean that it is inclusive. Neither does it mean that everyone feels like they belong.
These leaders who lie to themselves let their self-limiting thoughts run rampant. They don’t stop and think about how irrational or how unhelpful they are, and they often don’t even realise that they are lying to themselves.
They have become so used to these thoughts that they don’t filter out the unhelpful or the irrational ones. But just because you think it, it doesn’t mean you have to believe it if it isn’t true.
When they stop to examine and challenge their thoughts, they see their thoughts for what they are and they stop lying to themselves. This is when things change for the better for them and they become less fearful, more confident, and start to believe in themselves.
If the above applies to you, what lies do you need to stop telling yourself?
First published on LinkedIn.
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