Self-discovery is described as the process of acquiring insight into one’s own character. When we gain that insight, we can truly get to know ourselves, and be authentic and confident with who we are.
It took me a long time to get to this, but about 10 years ago I was able to finally say that I had gained incredible insight into myself, and that I accept myself as I am. I had finally become confident and comfortable in my own skin. No longer did I let my introversion, gender, or the colour of my skin be a barrier to what I want to achieve. Barriers put up by the society I live in, that had shaped my internal perspective of myself. And in addition to this, the historical, systemic barriers that hold people like me back.
As a child, I lacked confidence, in fact, my earliest memory of lacking confidence was just before I started school and my mum took me along to the school to meet the teachers and the other pupils. I remember being in the school hall and all the other kids were playing with each other and having fun but I clung on to my mum, too scared and too shy to join in.
This became the story of my childhood, teens, and early 20s. Staying in the background, not wanting to draw attention to myself, thinking that I wasn’t good enough, or wasn’t funny enough, or clever enough...
The journey started in my late 20s
My journey to self-discovery probably started when I was in my late 20s and became a single mum when my son was 6 years old. I recognised that I needed to do something about my lack of confidence if I did not want my son to lack confidence too.
I set about working on my personal development. I read books, I put myself forward for endless training, had coaching and mentoring, and in the midst of all this, I started to realise that I was actually a confident person. It was just that I was a quiet person. I was introverted and had mistaken my quietness for a lack of confidence.
I accepted that I would never be the all singing, all dancing on the table, life of the party type person (although in the right environment with the right people, I can be), but I was me, a quiet, self-assured, confident woman of African heritage.
I looked at some of the things that I was doing, things which my friends would not have had the courage to do. How could I be lacking confidence if I was doing all this? With this realisation came a renewed level of confidence.
Now I was unstoppable, and I started to be bolder and more courageous in the decisions I made. I sought out opportunities that led me to go from a junior position in the organisation to that of senior leader. Furthermore, my son grew to be a confident, self assured young man.
Then imposter syndrome reared its head
This new level of confidence led me to a journey of self discovery as I got to know and understand more about who I truly was. But the old self-doubting me reared its head again when I was promoted to a senior leader. In 3 years, I had gone from a junior manager to senior manager and at first, I couldn’t believe it, and imposter syndrome gripped me.
I started to question whether I was good enough for the role. This was even more so as I was struggling with it. Because of the work I had done on my personal development over the years, I quickly recognised that I was self sabotaging. I told myself that I went through a fair and open recruitment process and if they believed I could do the job, I needed to believe it too.
I set about looking at what it was that I was struggling with and it boiled down to 2 things, budget management and health and safety management. These were 2 areas that I had little experience in. I got the 2 ‘experts’ in those areas within the organisation to go through with me exactly what I needed to know to do my job effectively.
As time went on, I recognised that I also needed to be my authentic self and 10 years ago (after more than 20 years working in the same organisation), I made the decision to take voluntary redundancy. I completed an MSc Coaching Psychology and started my own coaching business.
People thought I was crazy or that I was going through a mid life crisis. They couldn’t understand why I wanted to give up the security of employment for the insecurity of self employment. But I knew that this was something that I had to do to achieve my full potential and be my authentic self.
It has not been easy but it is the best decision I could have made. I absolutely love what I do, coaching women to be confident, influential leaders, and be their authentic selves. As well as working with organisations to develop their leaders and aspiring leaders through my workshops, webinars and talks. I discovered a whole new me and discovered skills that I never even knew I had.
As a result, my self confidence has grown to tremendous heights as I constantly have to push myself out of my comfort zone. It was as if a whole new world has been opened up to me. I not only know who I am, I have discovered a creative side to me that I never even knew existed.
When I look at the woman I have become, it is hard to imagine that I was once this shy, quiet, timid girl who never wanted to draw attention to herself. I dread to imagine what my life would be like if I had not embarked on this journey of self-discovery.
Where are you at on your journey to self-discovery?
First published on LinkedIn.
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