This can be nerve-wracking for introverts, because this type of leader is known for outright aggression. They are about as opposite to calm, quiet, and steady as they can get.
However, because these leaders are immature, and deeply uncreative, they are also highly predictable. This means if you can see past their lies that tell you “resistance is futile”, “you’re nothing without me” or “you’re incapable so have no choice but to stay”, you can retain power and agency by deploying tactics that preserve your autonomy.
In fact, some of the core skill set I teach in my book, “Unbreakable: How to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders”, plays right into natural introverted strengths.
Here are some strategies to try against them:
- Use your availability as leverage. Fear-based leaders need a constant supply of validation and attention to shore up their gaping insecurities. When you’re not available, or slow to reply, they start to spin out - which reinforces that you actually have power over them.
- Don’t react. Leaders like this love to get big reactions. So instead of being upset, or reacting when they try to metaphorically kick you - often by killing initiatives, taking away budget, or making you work extra - pretend that you are a boring part of a landscape, like a gray rock. When you don’t react and are simply quiet, calm, and inert, they will get bored and kick something else instead.
- Let the silence rest. Silence is unnerving to people who don’t know how to be present with themselves. When there’s nothing to distract them, they’re left with feelings and worries that they don’t know how to tolerate. But, introverts are comfortable with quiet. You thrive in it. So, don’t hesitate to simply and calmly observe the fear-based leader’s monologues and meltdowns. Be above it all.
- Let yourself be underestimated. Extroverted power brokers think that quiet people are either slow, incompetent, or unmotivated. Use this negative stereotype to be looked over, so that you’re neither a target, or forced to join in to their negative initiatives. It will feed into their narrative that they are better/smarter than everyone else, and that they have to do everything themselves. Leaders who think they have to do everything themselves are often absentee leaders, because they have to jump from department to department to micromanage. Get quiet results, and they’ll only have time to jump in a few months a year.
- Be strategic about what you share. Introverts are often better at being around fear-based leaders because you do not share vulnerable pieces of information about what you care about just as chitchat. Keep your cards close to your chest - if they don’t know what you value, it’s harder for them to take that away.
This new wave of leadership is tough - but introverts are great at hunkering down in a storm. Your abilities to observe, and act with thoughtfulness are going to be incredible assets.
About Kate Lowry
Kate Lowry is a CEO coach, venture capitalist, and author based in Silicon Valley. An expert in fear-based leaders, Kate developed her methodology growing up in a fear based household, then refined her approach in the elite worlds of start-ups, private equity, management consulting, and big tech at McKinsey, Meta, and Insight Partners. She is the author of Unbreakable: How to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders. In her free time, you can find her writing comedy and music and cuddling her service dog, Annie.
Quietly Visible Podcast - How to Stay Empowered When Leadership Turns Toxic
Kate was a guest on Quietly Visible Podcast. You can watch her episode on YouTube, or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Kate shares insights from her extensive experience in Silicon Valley, including her research into trauma psychology and the behavioural patterns that drive fear-based leaders. She offers compassionate yet practical advice on how to protect your wellbeing, maintain your authenticity, and create psychological safety for yourself and your teams — even when working within toxic systems.
Connect with Kate