As we approach the end of the year, I have been reflecting on the issues and challenges that have been brought to the coaching sessions that I have done. Having spent more than 200 hours coaching leaders and executives this year, the themes for each coaching assignment have been very similar (as has been the case with previous years).
Imposter syndrome has been prevalent (for both introverted and extroverted clients), which negatively impacts self-confidence. When clients who experience imposter syndrome come to me for coaching, they invariably think that they are the only ones going through this. They are pleasantly surprised and relieved to know that it is not just them.
Imposter syndrome is an issue that is much wider than what you probably think
A year ago, on my website, I set up my confidence, influence and impact assessment for introverted women who are senior leaders and so far, just over 1,000 people have completed it. Over 80% responded that they do not have a high level of confidence and experience imposter syndrome. Research also suggests that 70% of people (including extroverts and men) experience it at some time.
I think that this is very telling. The issue is far wider than many people realise. But when you’re experiencing it, it is easy to think that the problem is just you.
I myself have experienced it, and there are 2 significant occasions (there have also probably been many other occasions) that come to mind where I faced it. The first significant occasion was when I got my final promotion before leaving employment to start my coaching business. I had been promoted from a junior leadership role to senior leader over a relatively short space of time. Initially I felt out of my depth and thought that I would get caught out as not being good enough. I kept expecting to receive a phone call or an email to say ‘Carol, I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have promoted you.’
The reason why I felt out of my depth
The reason I felt out of my depth was because I had been told I could be held liable for corporate homicide. I had been on a health and safety training course for senior responsible persons when what was then the new Corporate Homicide Act (here in the UK) came in. As the senior responsible person for the 4 buildings in my group, I was told that if contractors were on site and someone had an accident and was killed, I could be held liable under the Act. No pressure!
Health and safety wasn’t my sweet spot and trying to get my head around all the regulations AND the threat of being held liable under the Corporate Homicide Act if anything went wrong, triggered the imposter. That and the level of budgetary responsibility I now had.
Thankfully, I am quite self-aware and recognised that I was self-sabotaging. I told myself that I had been through a fair and open selection process and was deemed the best person for the role. If they believed it, I should. I then set about getting the necessary training I needed to bring myself up to speed.
My second significant experience of imposter syndrome
The second significant moment experiencing imposter syndrome was when I wrote my book Quietly Visible: Leading With Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman. I submitted my manucript to the publisher and then the imposter hit.
Thoughts such as people will say ‘who does she think she is writing a book about this’, or ‘she’s not a good writer’ tried to sabotage it. Again, thankfully I am self-aware and quickly recognised what was going on.
Although I hadn’t written anything apart from reports at work in the years leading up to starting my business 10 years ago, since starting my business and blogging, and writing articles for various publications, I had been getting good feedback for my writing. This included being named a LinkedIn Top Voice UK 2 consecutive years prior to writing my book (for the articles I publish on here), and then again for a further 2 years consecutive following me submitting my manuscript.
I know imposter syndrome is likely to rear its head again when I go on to another big challenge or adventure, and I accept that. This removes the stress and the pressure I would otherwise put on myself if I allow that unhelpful, negative self-talk brought on by imposter syndrome to continue.
Let’s flip imposter syndrome on its head
I suggest that we flip imposter syndrome on its head, and rather than it being something we dread, we normalise it, and view it as a normal part of our lived experience. After all, so many of us experience it, it’s just that not many of us talk openly about it.
You will need to be intentional and deliberate about this though because it is so easy to slip back into old, unhelpful habits and ways of being. What you feed your mind grows. So, when you talk negatively to yourself about experiencing it and beat yourself up, it can create worry and anxiety.
You may try to push those negative, unhelpful thoughts away, but find that they keep coming back bigger and bolder in pursuit of derailing you from being your best, confident self. The thought is not the problem, it is how you respond to it that is.
Don’t fight it, embrace it
How many of you can drive a car or ride a bicycle? Did you get into the car or on the bike and master it straight away? No, I’m sure you didn’t. You may have stalled the car several times or fallen off the bike a number of times. But you picked yourself back up and continued until you mastered it. And that is what I mean about being deliberate and intentional about not giving it too much air play in your mind when you experience the negative, unhelpful thoughts brought on by imposter syndrome.
Too often we try to fight the emotion and suppress the thought. We label ourselves as not good enough because we doubt ourselves, lack confidence, or whatever. Telling ourselves if I was good enough, I wouldn’t be feeling like this.
The more you try to control the feeling of anxiety and beat yourself up for feeling it, the worse it can get. The more you try to suppress it, it will keep rearing its head. Instead, acknowledge the thought and accept that it is how you feel.
Stay aligned with your values and what is important to you
Pay attention to the reason why you do what you do. For example, if your desire is to make a difference, then knowing you are working towards something that is significant to you, and which is intrinsically motivating, you can approach what you need to do with excitement and passion, rather than self-doubt or fear.
A bit like me with my book. If I had allowed it to, I could have talked myself out of going ahead with it after submitting the manuscript. I frequently get messages from women from across the globe, telling me how much a difference my book has made for them. Imagine if I hadn’t pursued publishing it.
I had a client who found it challenging when people spoke over her in board meetings. Yet, she would see someone being taken advantage of on a train and stand up to defend them. That was because equality and justice are core values of hers and she hates to see when someone is treated unfairly.
Now, reminding herself of why she does the work she does and the difference she knows she can make, ignites something in her that is bigger than imposter syndrome. So it takes a back seat rather than centre stage.
Remind yourself about your values and what drives you in your work. This will help ease the pressure from imposter syndrome when it rears its head.
Remember your past achievements, as well as give yourself some space
Remind yourself of your past achievements, and not only that, also that you have had curve balls thrown at you in the past, but you got through them. Life is like that, full of ups and downs. If it was all plain sailing, we would lack resilience and the character that is shaped in getting through life’s challenges.
We don’t often give ourselves the headspace to be present and self-reflect. Doing so, will help you recognise that unhelpful, negative, imposter syndrome self-talk for what it is. In 2022 schedule time in your calendar for this. Protect the space to think, you will reap dividends from doing so.
Because you may have held these thoughts and beliefs for so long, just like how you brush your teeth every day, check your mind every day to make sure that the thoughts going through it are helping you rather than hindering you.
Remember, you are a unique individual with your own strengths, weaknesses, things that you are good at, things you are not good at, just like everybody else. You have your uniqueness to contribute to what it is that you do as a leader.
If you want my support to help you increase your confidence, influence, and impact as a leader, UNLEASH Your Leadership Potential is my online course, that will help you to achieve this. As a post Christmas gift to you, I am offering a 68% discount on the introductory price before 15 January 2022. You can find out more about the course here. Use the code CHRISTMAS2021 at the checkout to get your discount.
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.
