I come across many leaders who have self-sabotaging behaviours that are driven by a fear of rejection. Some of them don’t even realise that it is a fear of rejection driving them. Some of the outcomes from these self-sabotaging behaviours include:
- Perfectionism
- Imposter syndrome
- Not asserting themselves
- Not saying no
- Not asking for what they want
- Not having difficult conversations
- Avoiding conflict
- People pleasing
- Letting others talk over them
- Letting others run with their ideas
- Not self-promoting
- Procrastination
- Not being visible
- Guilt
- Ridicule and shame
- Micromanaging
- Holding themselves back
They may experience some of the above or all of the above. They may be subject matter experts doing a good job, but the fear of rejection stops them from having the great interpersonal skills that would enable them to be inspirational and influential as leaders. And they can be hard on themselves.
Often at the root is a lack of self-acceptance and a belief that they are not good enough. I love coaching leaders with these sorts of issues and find it very rewarding to see the transformation when they learn self-acceptance and develop self-belief because they then go on and soar.
Because it is not something openly talked about, many women think that it is just them who face this which magnifies the issue for them. However, I can assure you that many of us experience these sorts of issues, including leaders at the most senior echelons of organisations. Sometimes just knowing this makes it less of an issue.
There are many factors that contribute to these experiences, which most likely stem from earlier life experiences. These experiences include attachment issues, a previous traumatic or embarrassing situation, or societal conditioning. The experience shapes what the individual thinks and believes about themselves.
The challenge for leaders who experience this is the pressure and stress it puts them under, and it can chip away at their self-confidence. It can undermine the influence and impact that they have as leaders and negatively affect their decision making and make them risk averse.
If you identify with any of the above behaviours and recognise that a fear of rejection is at the root of it for you, develop self-awareness so that you become aware of the situations and environments that trigger it.
Learn self-acceptance and accept that you are good enough. If you went through a competitive selection process to get your role, you got it because you were deemed the best candidate for it. No organisation can afford to appoint someone to a role if they don’t think they are capable of doing it.
Accepting and believing in yourself means that if you do experience rejection, you won’t let self-sabotaging behaviours de-rail you or hold you back. Instead, you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue to move forward.
If this is something that you find hard to do on your own, contact me to find out how I can help, here.
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.
