One of the comments on my newsletter some time ago, stated that someone they knew had been told they would never be a leader because they were too kind.
It took me back to my days as a leader in an organisation. Across the group, the business support function was short staffed. This was at a time of significant change, resulting in an increased workload for this particular grade. Budgetary constraints meant that bringing in extra staff resource was not an option. There needed to be a reorganisation of work across the group if the business was to meet the demands of what was required.
I met with the team, outlined the situation and the challenges, told them what we needed to deliver, and asked them to come up with a solution that would work. A colleague I was collaborating with on this project told me I shouldn’t have done it that way and eluded that I was being too kind. They thought I should have been firm with them and told them what to do, and that doing it my way would not work.
Not only did it work, they exceeded my expectations. By giving them autonomy and trusting them to find a solution, they were empowered, motivated, engaged and determined to make it work. They collaborated and worked as a team across the group.
I asked my LinkedIn connections what they thought
Curious as to what others thought about this, earlier this week I did a post on LinkedIn, asking whether a leader can be too kind. The consensus was like mine and that kindness is a leadership strength.
However, it is recognised that when kindness co-exists with passiveness or the leader is gullible, that is when it can be perceived as a weakness. This leaves leaders open to being taken advantage of or being manipulated.
Unfortunately, there are still some people who see the act of kindness as a down and out weakness in a leader. There are some leaders who prefer to lead with an iron rod and whose mantra is ‘give them an inch and they take a mile.’ The problem with this style of leadership is that it is very much fear based.
Fear based leadership doesn’t foster a healthy working environment
Fear based leadership does not bring out the best in people. Operating from a place of fear does not encourage creativity and innovation, and it does not engage employees. It does not create the kind of environment that fosters motivation. Unless it’s the motivation to bring about change, or to get out of the organisation.
Whilst fear-based leadership may get the ‘job done’, in my opinion, that is not good enough. I would rather an empowered team than one that is driven by fear. When people are empowered, they perform better, are motivated and driven to achieve. Not only that it creates an environment that is better for overall well-being.
In a fear-based environment, you are more likely to see a higher incidence of work-related stress, and higher levels of absenteeism.Â
Kindness is a virtue and a strength
The VIA Institute for Character Strengths defines kindness as a strength within the virtue humanity. Humanity being one of the 6 virtues that subcategorise the 24 character strengths that they have identified. When I took the VIA character strengths test a few years ago, kindness came out as being one of my top 5 strengths, ranking jointly in first place with social intelligence and perspective.
Kind individuals believe that others are worthy of attention and affirmation for their own sake as human beings, not out of a sense of duty or principle. There are three traits of altruistic personalities:
·       Empathy/sympathy
·       Moral reasoning
·       Social responsibility
-Via Character Institute
However, there can be too much of a good thing and that also goes for overusing your strengths. According to a paper by psychologist Ryan M. Niemiec, overuse of the strength kindness can result in compassion-fatigue, intrusiveness, and being overly focused on others.
When you overuse a strength, rather than it then being considered a positive strength, it starts to have a negative effect either on yourself or others. As with any other strength, it is about optimal use.
Kindness perceived as a weakness
If a leader is passive and kind, then their kindness could be perceived as a weakness. There are several reasons as to why a leader could be passive. It could be personal insecurities, fear of being too controlling, or even that they don’t grasp the complexity of their role.
Overusing the strength could even be because they are passive. In that it is easier and more comfortable for them to be kind, even if that is not the best or right thing for that situation. If passiveness is the underlying issue for you, address it. Learn how to develop assertiveness.
Because of misconceptions about introversion, a leader who is introverted and kind may be be misconceived and I think that was the case for me. However, just because I am introverted and kind, I am certainly not gullible and I am no pushover.
What to do if you have been told you are too kind as a leader
If you have been told that you are too kind as a leader and you don’t think that you are, ask yourself why the person thinks this about you. Ask them for specific feedback with examples if they have not provided you with this. Examine the feedback and whether there is any merit to what they say. Are you assertive or are you passive?
How about the person who gave you the feedback, what sort of person are they? Are they from the school of ‘treat em mean keep em keen’, with a fear based, command and control leadership style?
What do other people say? If a few people say you are too kind, ask yourself what the reason for this could be. It might be that they are right. Or it might be that they too have a command and control leadership style and that this is the culture of the organisation.
If this is so, you may want to take action to change things. Or, if that is too much of a battle to fight, think about finding a working environment where you will thrive.
What about you? Have you ever been told you are too kind as a leader or you are to kind to be a leader? Please comment below and let me know.
First published on LinkedIn.
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