In my Masters research, meetings were shown to be the most challenging environments for the introverted senior leaders who took part. They felt that meetings were not only psychologically unsafe, they also experienced challenges due to their introversion.
I call this the double bind for introverted leaders and it is something I often see when coaching senior leaders and executives.
The reason it’s a double bind is due to the two following themes which emerged from my study:
➡️ Speaking up in meetings can be a challenge when introverted
➡️ The fear of speaking up
This creates a double bind: needing time to think in order to contribute well, while also fearing speaking up in environments that don't feel psychologically safe.
Speaking up in meetings can be a challenge when introverted
These may seem like one and the same with the fear of speaking up, but there is a difference. Many meetings are not inclusive to the differences in thinking styles round the table. Agendas and reports are often not sent out in advance (if at all). People are put on the spot and expected to respond straight away.
Being put on the spot in meetings is challenging. My research participants require time to process information and gather thoughts before speaking. And it’s something many of my coaching clients experience.
A 2014 study by Dubey et al suggests that extraversion is associated with faster reaction times where quick responses are required. My coaching work has found that this can be mistaken for confidence. One of my coaching clients was a Director and wanted to be able speak of the cuff in meetings like their extraverted colleagues.
I challenged this by getting them to reflect on what their extraverted colleagues were actually saying. They realised they weren’t saying anything of real substance until they get to their point. I asked why they wanted to be like that. They didn’t. They just wanted to feel confident to speak up quickly in meetings.
With this recognition, an understanding of their thinking style, plus techniques they gained through the coaching, meetings became much easier for them.
My research participants had concerns about how not responding off the cuff might be perceived and that often led to internal conflict. Interestingly, some of my extraverted clients, tell me that when they lack confidence, they actually speak more. This is ironic as the introverts lacking confidence look at this and mistakenly think the extraverts are confident because they speak more.
These concerns about speaking up can bring on what’s known as communication apprehension. Research has shown that communication apprehension is higher amongst introverts, women, and those who are from ethnicities in the minority within the group.
The fear of speaking up
Meetings were probably one of the most psychologically unsafe environments for my research participants. When not feeling psychologically safe, they are fearful of being ridiculed, judged harshly or knocked back, or made to feel like they’re talking nonsense. Some of my participants described being shut down, laughed at, and made to feel foolish when they tried to speak up.
This anxiety shows up often when coaching introverted senior leaders and executives. Many people assume that because someone has got to such a senior level, they are immune to all of this. But if an environment is not psychologically safe, the threat it poses is real, regardless of what level a person is at.
Understanding the dynamics of what is going on psychologically and physiologically helps. A perceived psychological threat can evoke our body’s stress response similar to a physical threat.
This puts our body in a heightened state and the fight, flight, freeze response kicks in. This is what was happening for my research participants and is often the case for the clients I coach. In the meeting situations I described, for them it’s mainly freeze or flight.
They freeze and don’t speak up in the way they would like to. Or flight kicks in and they avoid speaking up altogether.
Many people don’t understand the differences in thinking and processing styles, which can mean that the way meetings are conducted is not inclusive. Add to that, if there’s a lack of psychological safety, many organisations are missing out on the best contributions from part of their senior and executive leadership teams, which could give their company an edge.
As a senior leader or executive, what has your experience of this double bind been? Either for yourself or what you have observed.