Having coached many introverted women leaders over the years, there are some common themes I come across which, for many, have been hindering their leadership success. These challenges create anxiety and stress, which negatively affects their self-confidence, their ability to assert themselves, their decision making, and their ability to exude presence.
Because they have reached senior roles, people assume they have got it all together. But what people can’t see on the outside is the internal challenges these women have going on. As such, it is hard for them to reach out and get the help they need.
That is why working with an executive coach who abides by an ethical code of conduct is important to them. It helps them to feel secure about confidentiality.
Here are 5 common ways that these women had been hindering their leadership success:
1. They let imposter syndrome get the better of them
They experience imposter syndrome and doubt themselves, questioning whether they are good enough at what they do. They are waiting to be exposed and are on tenterhooks with the worry of being found out. This is despite having got to where they are on their own merits.
This is invariably as a result of experiences from their formative years. For many of them, constantly having messages reinforced that they were too quiet and needed to speak up more, have shaped the way that they see themselves. They have translated this as meaning that they are not good enough.
If this is you, remember the reason why you got to be where you are. Do you really think that you would have got to where you are if you were not any good at what you do?
2. Perfectionism
This often goes hand in hand with Imposter Syndrome. They set exceedingly high standards for themselves trying to make sure that their work is perfect. But these standards are difficult to achieve. No one has told them that their work is not good enough, but they put a lot of pressure on themselves trying to live up to this ideal.
They work excessive hours to get a project or task completed. They want things to be perfect so that people accept them as being good enough.
Again, this often stems from their early life experiences. For example, one client was in her forties and still affected by her dad telling her when she was 12 years old that she should have got an A in her exam when she got a B. Over the years she had continually put pressure on herself to live up to some perfect ideal.
If this is you, learn to accept yourself as the wonderful, talented woman that you are, with your own strengths and abilities. What will happen if you strive for excellence and produce excellent results instead of perfect? Increasing your tolerance levels will ease the pressure you put on yourself.
3. Not promoting themselves
Research shows that extroverts get more opportunities at work because their performance is more visible. Introverted women often prefer to not be in the spotlight. Many of them would quite happily get on and do what they have to do without shouting it from the rooftops. Preferring to let their work speak for itself. But if your performance is not visible, how will you get the opportunities you deserve?
If you are missing out on opportunities, or not having the influence and impact you would like because you are not being ‘seen,’ raise your visibility and let others know about what you are achieving and the difference you are making.
4. Not speaking up in meetings
Speaking up in meetings can be a big challenge for introverted women because of the way most meetings are conducted. They don’t allow time for the thinking and processing of their thoughts that they need. It is even worse if they have been in back-to-back meetings where being in such environments has been overly stimulating and left them feeling drained.
First of all, for someone who is introverted, a day of back-to-back meetings is going to deplete your energy because of the external overstimulation. If it is not possible to not have so many meetings in a day, find ways to re-energise between them. If you feel energised, you are less likely to want to retreat inwards during the meetings.
When it comes to speaking up, prepare for meetings in advance and give thought to what you want to express an opinion on. If you get put on the spot, give your initial response, and let people know if you have anything further to add, you will get back to them.
5. Trying to be superwoman
Feeding into points 1 and 2, they take more and more on in an effort to prove their worth. Trying to be all things to everyone, they don’t have the capacity to do all this added work. But they do not have the heart to say no.
This adds to the pressure and creates more stress. Because they’re so good at what they do, they get on with it without complaining, and people put more on them.
If this describes you, you are not superwoman. And if you carry on like this, you’ll end up burning out.
First published on LinkedIn.
If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here.
