Many of the introverted women leaders I coach don’t have a capability problem. They have a confidence problem.
Or at least that’s what they’ve been led to believe.
Over time, messages from family, workplaces, leaders and organisational cultures can shape how we see ourselves. What looks like imposter syndrome is often a perfectly understandable response to environments that have repeatedly left us feeling like we don't quite belong.
For many of the leaders I coach, their experiences have led to self-doubt. These doubts limit their ability to influence others and create the impact they are capable of having.
Imposter syndrome and a lack of self-confidence are not unique to introversion. Extraverts experience these too. Confidence is not formed in isolation. It is shaped by our experiences, environments and identities.
I often find that what we call imposter syndrome is not evidence that something is wrong with us. It can be evidence of environments that have repeatedly sent us messages about who does and does not belong.
If the right conditions are not in place to nurture confidence in our authentic selves, and self-belief, we are more likely to find these lacking in certain situations.
Add to this the intersectional experience of being a woman in a male-dominated environment, alongside unfavourable bias towards introversion, and it becomes easier to understand why imposter syndrome and a lack of confidence can develop.
Using examples from coaching, I illustrate how this can show up in leadership. Names have been changed for confidentiality reasons.
Early life and career experiences
As a child Carron preferred to spend her time drawing or writing, but her parents would push her to be more like her extraverted siblings. Although she did not know anything about personality traits and introversion at the time, this instilled in her a belief that she was not good enough because she was introverted.
As a leader, this showed up as her doubting herself, holding herself back due to perfectionism, and constantly second guessing herself. It was also very stressful for her.
Recognising how her beliefs about herself had been shaped and that there was nothing wrong with being introverted, helped her to change the perspective that she had about herself. This left her feeling confident and believing in herself.
Gender bias and belonging in senior leadership
Working in a male dominated profession and the only woman on the executive leadership team, Karen wanted to increase her visibility and be more influential. She lacked confidence in speaking up and asserting herself when people spoke over her.
When entering her profession, she was made to feel she shouldn’t be there because she was a woman. But her interest in the field and wanting to make a difference was what drove her. Working in male dominated environments she often encountered systemic gender discrimination. She didn’t feel psychologically safe or that she belonged in the environment she worked in when she contacted me.
Finding her voice and developing assertiveness gave her the confidence to speak up and challenge. She was also able to make changes in the environment for those women coming up behind her. She recognised that the environment was too toxic and unlikely to change anytime soon. Rather than constantly feel like she was fighting a battle, she decided to move on. She got a role in an organisation where she thrived.
Unfavourable bias towards introversion
You need to speak up more and be more visible was feedback that Rowena was given by her manager. This is something that introverted leaders are often told. I myself was told I needed to speak up more in meetings when I was a leader. I would think to myself that I would speak up when I had something of value to say. I wasn’t going to speak just for the sake of speaking.
In Rowena’s situation, she was attending lots of (unnecessary) meetings to be more visible but was finding it exhausting. She wanted to have more influence. Many people associate visibility with being in attendance and speaking a lot, and that was what Rowena’s manager was requesting of her. But what’s the point in this if it doesn’t add value for anyone?
Once she understood this for herself, Rowena had a conversation about it with her manager. She identified ways in which to be visible and have influence in ways that felt more authentic.
Whilst all three women in the above scenarios experienced imposter syndrome and doubted themselves, getting to grips with the following three factors helped to shift things for them:
✔️ An understanding of the influences that had shaped their beliefs about themselves
✔️ Recognising the part their environment plays
✔️ Knowing and understanding themselves
Looking back at Carron, Karen and Rowena, confidence didn't grow because they suddenly became different people. It grew because they understood themselves better, challenged limiting beliefs, and recognised the impact their environments were having on them.
Confidence is not simply something we have or don't have.
Often, it is something that develops when we stop trying to be who others expect us to be and start leading from who we really are.
And if you can relate to Carron, Karen, or Rowena, getting to grips with this can shift things for you too.
If you experience imposter syndrome and a lack of confidence, what needs to shift for you, and how can you make it happen?