When you’re under pressure, the voice in your head gets louder, but not more accurate.
When leaders are stressed, they are more likely to not think rationally or clearly. This can negatively affect their confidence in their decision making and their ability to influence at senior levels. It’s when you are stressed that you’re more likely to experience the negative self-talk that causes you to doubt yourself or think that you are not good enough.
If you are the only one or one of few like you amongst the rest of the leadership team, this stress-induced negative self-talk can be exacerbated. And you lose your sense of self and ability to stand strong in your identity.
What stress actually does
Under sustained pressure, the psychological resources that allow you to lead with intention such as self-awareness, values alignment, considered judgement, become less accessible. Under intense pressure, your ability to show up as your best self diminishes.
This has implications for both your personal and professional life and negatively impacts mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
The research bears this out. In my IPA research study (and something I've seen many times when coaching), feeling like you don't belong and not feeling psychologically safe was itself a source of stress. And that stress fed into participants not having a strong sense of self and identity.
The danger is in believing the negative self-talk that arises when you are stressed.
When identity is already complex
For introverted leaders, senior women, and those navigating leadership transitions, stress adds an additional layer to the pressure already being experienced due to their leadership identity. Leadership identity is never straightforward when you are leading in ways that don't always match the dominant model.
Stress doesn’t just exhaust you in those conditions. When you have had to work harder to be seen, when the room doesn't always reflect you back, when you are still in the process of finding who you are in your role, this stress can be destabilising. The gap between who you know yourself to be and who pressure is forcing you to perform as widens. And if you are already in a leadership transition, stress doesn't arrive on solid ground — it arrives when the ground is still shifting.
My coaching client had taken on her first executive director role and was wrestling with the pressure of transitioning, alongside being the only woman on the executive team. The negative self-talk was high and her thinking about her ability to do the role was negatively distorted. Self-confidence was low and stress levels were high, and with that came working excessive hours.
This showed up as a lack of assertiveness, constantly second guessing herself, and the use of apologetic language.
The case for stillness
There is a tendency for many senior leaders when under pressure to continue going at pace. When I put it to them to build regular time in their busy schedules to be still and slow down, initially they feel guilty about doing this.
I suggest they schedule meetings with themselves and protect them like they would any other meeting. They think they have too much work to do to just sit there and do nothing because initially, that’s what they think they will be doing.
But once they start doing it, they realise it’s actually an investment in themselves. Because sometimes you have to slow down in order to speed up. This was also the case for my client mentioned above.
Genuine, intentional stillness is how you find your way back to yourself in the middle of the stress. You’re not trying to avoid things, but being deliberate in creating enough quiet to distinguish between what stress is telling you and what is actually true.
Stillness is not just a wellbeing tactic, it is also a leadership capability. It leads to better judgement and clarity when under pressure.
When you stop, think, and reflect, you begin to notice the difference between unhelpful, stress-induced thinking and a more helpful perspective. Pressure distorted thinking can cloud your judgement. Giving yourself that space to be still, to think and rationalise your thoughts helps you to see the difference between who stress says you are and who you are capable of being.
Gaining this clarity matters because you cannot lead well from a distorted self-image.
Find a way to do this that works for you. It could be meditating, or going for a walk in nature, journaling, or getting yourself a trusted listening partner. Whatever this looks like for you, by making the time to slow down and be still you will reap the benefits of doing so.
A question worth sitting with
The next time you catch yourself thinking you are not good enough, you’re out of your depth, or whatever the negative self-talk is, pause before you believe it. Ask yourself - “Is this who I am, or is this what sustained pressure looks like?”
You already know the answer. You just need enough stillness to hear it.
When did you last pause long enough to notice the difference?