Have you ever been promoted… but secretly wondered if they made a mistake?
The transition to senior or executive leadership can be fraught with many challenges. We often hear about adaptations needed to be more strategic, more visible, steering the direction, and other outward facing issues.
But what rarely gets talked about are the internal, psychological challenges leaders going through this transition can experience.
For many leaders going through this, because they’ve got the role, people assume they’ve got it all together. But often there is an inner turmoil as they struggle to step into their new identity as an executive or senior leader.
This is what I call the identity gap.
One coaching client described it to me as everyone thinking she is very confident, but they can’t see what’s going on inside her. And this is so true. People can’t see what you’re feeling on the inside. All they see is the behaviours that those feelings shape.
So, whilst your behaviours may not tell people how you’re really feeling (unless they connect the dots), the behaviours may show up as:
❌ Micro managing
❌ Indecisiveness
❌ A lack of vision and direction
❌ Not engaged
❌ Cold
❌ Lacking authority
❌ Not being the leader you want to be known for
In these situations, there is an identity gap –– that is a gap between the leader your role says you are and the leader you believe that you are. What you believe has not caught up with who you now are.
Another coaching client had been going to turn down an Executive Director role when she came to me for coaching. She was doubting she could do the role and experiencing imposter syndrome. She was starting to convince herself that she wasn’t good enough for it.
Thankfully, she sought my coaching before turning it down and we were able to address that identity gap.
If you’re experiencing this identity gap and what you think, feel, and believe about yourself hasn’t fully stepped into your new role, ask yourself the following question:
What is the reason why I have been given this role?
You have been given the role because they believe you are the best person for it. In a recent coaching session, I asked my client that question. He tried to come up with all kinds of reasons –– none of which pointed to him being the best candidate for it.
I challenged his thinking by asking whether he really thought his employers had money to waste appointing someone to the role if they didn’t think they were good enough. This shifted his perspective.
With this shift in perspective came a new level of inner confidence and belief about himself in his new role.
Identify what is needed for you to close your identity gap. Break down what is needed into both the external and the internal:
External – what are the requirements and expectations of your role that you are uncertain of or struggling with? How can you bring yourself up to speed and who can help you?
Internal – what is the story you’ve been telling yourself about YOU that is shaping what you think, believe, and feel? What is a more helpful (and rational) story to tell yourself about YOU What is needed for you to step into that more helpful story and who can help you embrace it?
Invariably, the external challenges are easier to navigate and it’s a matter of moving from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence. This happens through learning, understanding, practice and repetition.
The internal challenges are more difficult because there are often underlying, unconscious limiting beliefs that affected leaders hold about themselves and the environments they are in. This is particularly so where they’re different to everyone else on the senior leadership team, or one of a very few.
This could be:
⭐ A woman in a male dominated environment
⭐ An introvert in an extraverted environment
⭐ A black or brown person in a white dominated environment
⭐ Someone from a disadvantaged socio-economic background in an environment where everyone is from a privileged socio-economic background
⭐ Someone who didn’t go to university in an environment where everyone went to the top universities
⭐ Or some other characteristic where they’re in the minority, particularly where this difference is visible.
The psychological challenges can be compounded by the more historically oppressed, intersecting identities the person has. They may have internalised oppression and discrimination without even realising this, and it shows up in how they feel and behave.
The tension between conforming to other people’s expectations that don’t fit you, and being yourself can be hard. If you conform to something that doesn’t align with who you are, you perform a version of leadership that isn’t you and you lose yourself in the process.
Who do YOU want to be as a leader? As opposed to what others say you should be
It’s important to know who you are and stand confident in that. Yes, you may need to smooth a few edges or modify unhelpful behaviours that don’t serve. But you don’t want to ‘sell your soul’ as that is exhausting, chips away at you, and take its toll.
Understanding the identity gap and addressing it enables you to step into your new identity and become the leader you want to be.
Where is your identity lagging behind your role right now?
If you're navigating this, my coaching helps you close that gap. Send me a message or book a conversation with me here.