No one warns you that leadership can get lonelier the more senior you become.
It’s often assumed that once a leader gets to senior and executive levels, they’ve got everything about themselves sorted. And whilst externally, they may appear to have it all together –– after all they’ve navigated the barriers and challenges and made it to the top –– the reality is, the more senior you become, the more challenging it can be psychologically.
This is particularly so when you don’t fit the dominant norm of what leadership is in your organisation. If you don’t feel like you belong or feel psychologically safe, this can affect how you think about yourself and how you show up.
Why senior leadership can feel isolating
Being at the top can feel lonely. It is something I observed the more senior I got and is something I often see in the senior leaders and executives who come to me for coaching (this applies to both introverted and extraverted leaders). When I was at the most junior levels, there was a bond amongst my peers that was relational.
At junior levels, you collaborate more closely with fellow team members day in day out, sitting next to each other if you’re not working from home. Relationships are informal, consistent and supportive, and you’re working closely together to achieve a common goal.
The more senior you get, you no longer have that level of connection and interaction. You have fewer peers, less day-to-day interaction, and more separation. And at this level, relationships can feel more transactional than relational.
Instead of shared goals, it can feel like peers are protecting their own function. And because you are the most senior in your function, you’re very much on your own. No one to run ideas by. No one to safely voice concerns to. No informal connections and no one to support you with challenges.
Being introverted doesn’t mean you want to feel isolated. There’s a difference between choosing to spend time alone and feeling lonely. Yes, you may have executive assistants and leaders who report to you, but there are things you cannot say to them. And often, things you don’t feel you can safely say to your peers. So where does all this go?
How this pressure shows up
When you already feel like you don’t quite belong and don’t feel psychologically safe, it gets internalised. It often shows up as:
· Self-doubt and second guessing yourself, and a lack of confidence
· Overthinking and perfectionism
· Holding back your voice or softening your message
· Struggling to fully step into your authority and influence
Over time, this takes a toll. It impacts not just how you feel, but your visibility, your impact, and your leadership presence. And left unaddressed, it can lead to sustained stress and burnout. The good thing is it can be managed.
What you can do about it
Often, it’s only when it reaches a point where they can no longer continue like this that senior leaders and executives come to me for coaching. But addressing it much sooner will save you from all this pressure and stress.
If you recognise yourself in this, a few things make a real difference:
· Build a support network inside and outside your organisation
· Invest in deeper one to one relationships with a small number of peers
· Create space for regular self-reflection to check in with yourself and how you’re doing emotionally
· Work with an executive coach who understands both the psychological and structural pressures of senior leadership. Not just someone who helps you ‘perform better’ but someone who gives you a safe space to think, process, and be honest
Final thought
Senior leadership can feel isolating –– particularly if you don’t fit the mould. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. The first step is recognising it for what it is, rather than assuming it’s just ‘you’.
If you’re experiencing this, what is it like for you? You can send me a private message if you don’t want to share it publicly.
Many of the leaders I work with come to me feeling exactly like this — capable on the outside but experiencing a level of pressure and isolation they haven’t had space to process.
Having that space makes a significant difference.
If this resonated, you can book a confidential call with me here.